Why should Australia Post care when they were assured victory over the needs of Branxholm residents?
The big day came without Australia Post placing a clear marker of where the cluster of mail boxes should be located. However the microwave impersonating a mail box that had been erected at the property boundary for 1575 Warrentinna had been taken down and re-erected at the Redhill Road intersection. Thereby doubling the population of one to a humongous two, and fulfilling Australia Post’s dream of a cluster serving numerous disenfranchised properties.
Whether the owners were told to do so or not, is not known. Equally it is not known if either of these mail boxes has actually received mail. Australia Post doesn’t care about such trivialities. They were too busy celebrating the outstanding success of their campaign.
It was a big celebration with many praiseworthy speeches, free food and wine, and the afternoon off honouring the Australia Post tradition of never ever being seen working on a Friday afternoon. Here the inebriated celebrants plotted further lessons for their troublesome customers who expected a modicum of service to the community of Branxholm.
Approximately 17 properties had been successfully disadvantaged by the new improved service to the cluster location that the postal employees agreed was so obvious that it did not need to be specified. Of these only 12% have succumbed to guessing their vague suggestion; leaving possibly 88% who may have surrendered and taken out a PO Box for their mail. They all toasted the expected bonuses for boosting Australia Post’s bottom line with new payments for renting post boxes.
Or so those drunk on power imagined. The Gardener’s Cottage was still in limbo waiting for a miracle, or a sign. Perhaps some other recalcitrant customers had similar expectations?
No-one at Australia Post really knew. Tracking what their customers had done in response to their edicts was as unnecessary as setting up parameters to measure the success of their victory over their obligation to serve a community of their choosing. Something had to be done to grind the Gardener’s Cottagers into the dirt for demonstrating resistance to the inevitable. That was to not place the marker that they had promised.
So a week after the changeover the letterbox was moved from 1366 Warrentinna Road to join the massive conglomeration of letterboxes on Redhill Road which may or may not be the location designated by Australia Post. The Cottager advised Australia Post and asked for confirmation that mail would be delivered, and then they waited for the mail to come.
And waited, because of course Australia Post never replied and enquiries at the Scottsdale PO were similarly unhelpful. Scottsdale was not aware of what letterboxes were in the cluster. Three was apparently too large a number beyond their arithmetical abilities to monitor. Hence they could only reassure that the mail would go somewhere.
As time passed the Cottager, who for some strange reason had not received an invitation to attend the Australia Post victory celebration, worried whether this just another example of the inability of Australia Post to deliver to the correct address and they had redirected mail to the neighbour who had succumbed to purchasing a PO Box. They fretted that Australia Post was returning their mail to sender and that they would do the same with any parcel delivery. Maybe the delivery driver has been disciplined for his past failures and was inspired to take revenge. The story on Facebook that they had thrown other peoples mail in the street was hardly reassuring.
Another email to Australia Post was dismissed with the silence of no response.
The Cottagers considered making a donation to the Australia Post coffers by mailing a letter to themselves. They debated what not receiving such a letter might mean and what might be the next logical action if that non event inevitably manifested.
They were frozen into inaction, and so it came to be that more time passed uneventfully preoccupied with making cider and drying persimmons. The Gardener’s Cottage was captive to the whims of the victors and awaited their fate. The rats and mice had begun there annual invasion after the hops harvest. Then a peculiar email arrived.
Katy Gallagher sent a formal notification that as a responsible Finance Minister jointly responsible for Australia Post she was not having anything to do with the matter, because she is only responsible for the governance, performance and accountability of Australia Post. Hence she had referred the issue on to the Communications Minister. This buck passing was not new and the Cottager told her so. Pointing out the referal had been reported by her department before in this political game of musical chairs to determine who was in charge. Especially when there was no explanation as to why aspects of the complaint exactly matched her description of her job description. Why was she bothering to be bothered?
Next day came a strange email from an eBay seller notifying the delivery of a parcel. Something never before experienced. Normally notification is a text and/or email from Australia Post. There was no tracking number to help. It was only a small package that could possibly be left in the letterbox. What was going on? Were those pesky Vandals continuing their constant rampage to reignite hostilities?
It seemed that the lambasting of the minister pretending to have no responsibility to command any aspect of the war had touched a raw nerve, because another email missive came back soon after.
The supreme commander of the fiasco revealed themselves. The email again repeated the message from the minister of their judicious irresponsibility, but this time with an attachment of a formal letter from the department, but not from the Minister. It was signed with a facsimile of real ink by the pretentiously obscure Director, Post Shareholder and Policy Section, Broadband and Post Branch stating:
Of course this nonsense was like waving a red rag to a bull. Even if the bull was dying in a pool of blood fed by the gushing wounds from the random stabs of swords and lances wielded by the octopus for the entertainment Australia Post The insult was not acceptable. All the enemies of the people, the Department of Finance, the Department of Communications, Australia Post and the Ombudsman were informed that the continued barrage of heinous claims was not an acceptable condition for a truce. Especially the lies that there is an ongoing interaction with Australia Post and the suggestion the Ombudsman be engaged when they already were.
However the total victory had been declared by this architect of misery as they hid securely in their fortified bunker somewhere deep in the bowels of the Post Shareholder and Policy Section, Broadband and Post Branch of the Finance Ministry. Australia Post was commanded to release embargoed items. An innocent letter was finally delivered to the letterbox along with a note announcing the item for collection at Ringarooma CPA.
Thus the postal war is finally over, but their may be an aftermath in the resumption of service. Now that the Department of Finance has revealed their complicity in the debacle rather than maintaining a diplomatic ambiguity, will the Ombudsman see that as a sign that the cancer of incompetence and persecution is spreading? Will they recommend reparations for the carnage or the war crimes?
. . . and we still have yet to hear from the inappropriately named Department of Communication on their version of these matters!
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